Can Purell be used as lube?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
