is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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