she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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