That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
