i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
