Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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