Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
