my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he thought i was a dude.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
