I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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