My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
