i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
