Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
