Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
