so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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