I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
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