HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
