my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
