I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
my liver is dry heaving
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize