where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
