final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
