Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
