How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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