Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
