i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
