Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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