recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
