you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
