I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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