He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
