I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
