I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
