I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
