Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
