oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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