I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
