we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize