did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
