if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
