See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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