We're like a lot better than the average bears
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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