I heard we made out
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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