I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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