shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
