All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
