You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize