woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
