No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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