I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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