Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
