meet me or not, i'm out of control
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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