The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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