Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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