Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
