your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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