sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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