and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
