Apparently you make a good broom.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
