There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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