Where did you get a picture of my penis
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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