yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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