We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
