she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
why do cheetos always look like penises
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
