You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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