your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
