Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
