I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
