If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
That's how pantless uber rides happen
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
