i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Randomize
